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Humor: The quality of being amusing or comic, esp. as expressed in literature or speech. Sarcasm: The use of irony to mock or convey contempt.

Get Cougarlicious

cougar by papapishu - Source: <a href=

Practically every gal who's over forty or so in Hollywood is doing it, so, if you want to lead an adventurous, celebrity-style life,  you should too.  Get Cougarlicious, I mean.  

Demi Moore was 15 years older than Ashton Kucher.  Word has it she's got a new guy who is 12 years younger. Susan Sarandon got rid of much younger partner, Tim Robbins, and took up with a guy even younger, a 31 year old . Mira Sorvino is 14 years older than her hubby. Fifty-four year old Sharon Stone has a hunky, Australian, 27 year old beau. Nick Cannon is 14 years younger than wife, Mariah Carey. Madonna has evidently made a pact with herself to never date another guy over thirty.  Her current boyfriend is 24.  Soon, she'll be fighting it out with daughter, Lourdes, over the cute guy they met down at the gym.  J Lo's backup dancer honey, Casper, is also 24. 

So, in a desperate cry to make folks think you are still young, hot, and relevant in order to keep up with these Hollywood Divas and show the world that you, too, are sexy, and desirable, you need to immediately dump your significant other and hook up with your very own younger man.  I hear Robert Pattinson is back on the market. 

You will, of course, THANK ME LATER!

Note: I never said I was going to take my own advice; I only said I was going to tell you how to live a fabulous, amazing, celebrity-style one. I personally already have a boy toy since my DH is 46 days younger than me. Anyway, even if I weren't already a bit of a cougar, I am much too busy and set in my ways to go around trying to romance a younger man. Besides, from my personal experience as mother to 21 and 24 year old guys, they are messy, eat too much, don't always smell great, and don't even leave the house to go out to a party until about 10:00 or 11:00.  As someone who goes to bed about 9:30 (to SLEEP), I don't really think I could manage hours like that. And, you could probably guess this about me by now: if I was back on the market, I'd be more interested in a guy who looked like this:

YTML GEAR! (Coming to a Blog Near You Really, Really Soon!)

I have recently learned that the hot new trend for us Lifestyle Guru types is to have a "collection" curated by us for you to buy as you travel on your journey to living an exciting and awesome life. These items are supposed to be so great that you will open up your wallet and send me wads of cash.  Or, maybe they're just supposed to have that cachet that comes with being able to say you bought it here.  Not that it matters. What matters is that I can overcharge provide you with stuff you don't really need or want just have to have because I, your personal lifestyle guru, is the one shilling selling it.

Now, don't run over there and waste your money on her stuff, but as an example of what I'm talking about, you should check out 18 foot tall, 72 pound Gwenyth Paltrow's collection at GOOP.COM.  There you will find jeans that cost you $200, a plain white tee for $90, and a couple of string bikinis that will set you back $185 each.  Buy these at your own risk, gentle readers, because I guarantee that if you do, you will see yourself coming and going. Plus, I hate to break it to you, but 99% of you will not look very good in those bikinis.  They are made for gals shaped like Gwenyth, and let's face it, that ain't you or me.

Nope, what you need to do is save up your money for the fabulous YTML gear that I'm going to be rolling out really, really soon.  Trust me, you're going to love it.  In fact, if you want to be assured that you'll get it, you should probably just send me a couple of hundred dollars right now. That way, you'll be first in line when I get my line curated.

As always,  You'll Thank Me Later

BTW:  I am thinking about including one of these with every purchase. What do you think?

Summer Beauty Tips, Part IV: Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Naturally, in the summer time, people want to look their best. That's why everyone goes on a diet in late May. And why magazines are able to recycle the same "Get Ready for Summer" issues every year. I, of course, have taken a different, and better, approach. I have given you highly lame USEFUL advice that I've made come up with during my short vast experience as a Lifestyle Guru. Today's advice is no exception; enjoy these helpful hints having to do with your hair.

Many people find that they just wake up one day, look in the mirror, and realize that they are in a big old hair rut. Sometimes, men will find that the rut they are in is that they no longer have any hair on their heads to speak of, well, except for that stuff growing out of their noses and ears.  If this describes you, or even if it doesn't, you really need to consider changing your hair.  Having exciting hair is a fun way to get yourself noticed. And, since you haven't got much else that makes you stand out from the crowd, you should take my advice, pick out one of these hairstyles, and get yourself on over to the closest "Hair Artist".

If you don't like any of these, remember you can use Google Image search and find one you like. Here's a link that I've already checked out.  It has some really awesome hair styles. Great Hair Styles .

Don't forget, even celebrities need hair do-overs. Remember this?
Thankfully, he wised up:

If, however, you are like me and you look so fabulous that you do not need to change up your hair just now, I suggest you instead download a good book like this one The Madams of Mischief, pour yourself some of that yummy sangria you made using my recipe the other day, and listen to this:
or this

No matter which option you choose, You'll Thank Me Later

Summer Beauty Tips Part III: For the Men

Dear Gentlemen, If you wish to be thought of in the same vein as one of these guys:

It is IMPERATIVE that you do not dress like this guy:

You, and EVERYONE else in the free world, will THANK ME LATER!

Summer "Beauty" Tips, Part II

girl at beach by rg1024 -

To live a fabulous life while dealing with really, really hot temperatures is, gentle readers, a very difficult thing to do.  If your lifestyle has been disrupted by 100 plus degree temperatures, power outages, and broken air conditioners, I suggest that you grab your passport, a few thousand dollars, three or four credit cards, a couple of bikinis (you're going to Europe, they don't CARE if you don't have the body for a bikini, so just grab a couple down at the Wal-Mart local boutique and go with it) and get yourself on the quickest plane to Europe.  Now, I've never personally been there (George: call me!), but judging by the photos, Como, Italy seems to be just about one of the best places to go.  You can go out on a boat:
or ride motorcycles:
or just hang around, looking pretty:

If, like me, though, you are a very busy and important person, you may be stuck here at home. In that case, the best beauty tip I can give you is to find somewhere cool, put on the loosest clothing you can find, download a good book (like this one: The Madams of Mischief, available at Amazon.Com), find a comfy spot, kick back, and drink sangria. Here's a recipe and a little inspiration.  (Okay, so technically, these weren't beauty tips, but, still, You'll thank me later.) 

Berry Fruity Sangria:
1 bottle of red or pink wine (I prefer red)
2 or so cups of mixed berries (blackberries, blue, raspberries, strawberries...go with the frozen ones)
2 or so cups of orange juice, cranberry and/or pineapple juice (I like a mixture)
1/4 cup of lemon/lime juice
2 oz of blackberry liqueur (I leave this out if I don't have it)
orange, lemon, lime, pineapple slices 
stir it, taste it, add more juice if you think it needs more, and let sit in the fridge overnight or, if you can't wait, drink it right away, but know that it tastes better when it sits. 

Now, the recipes I've seen online usually call for ginger ale.  Personally, I don't add anything else to my sangria except a lot  of ICE.  After two or three, your S.O. will start to look like this: